The older I get the more apparent it becomes that I have anxiety. I've never brought it up to a doctor and I have not been diagnosed. I always assumed it was just a normal result of my shyness and awkwardness, and a huge amount of effort in my late teens and 20s has gone into overcoming my fears/anxiety and just getting shit done, because I have to be an adult. As a parent I have had to adult more than ever, and it takes a constant emotional toll on me.
Don't like to talk on the phone? Too bad! You have to call and talk to the insurance companies, teachers, assistant principals, doctors, and wait endless hours on hold.
Get white coat syndrome? Too bad! Now, instead of just sucking it up for your doctor's visits (or seeing an accountant during tax time, or any unknown situation) you have to compose yourself for your kids' visits. I've gotten pretty good at the doctor's visits because thankfully my children don't have any physical problems so those tend to be predictable, but those psychologist/therapist visits, SST meetings, Parent/Teacher conferences, etc. are killer. I have knots in my stomach just thinking about it.
But as uncomfortable as I get, I have to keep moving forward to help my child the best socio-emotional and educational support he can get. I say "child" and not "children" because as of late most of these meetings have been for my 7-year-old. He was diagnosed with ADHD in Kindergarten, got a 504 Plan for accommodations in 1st grade, and was tested for gifted placement this summer. I wish I had been more adamant about getting him tested for gifted earlier, but I didn't want to be "that mom" who thinks her son poops out rainbows, so I put all my energy into getting him the services he needs for his ADHD (accommodations at school and behavioral therapy at home). I had actually filled out a gifted checklist when he was in Pre-K, but didn't bring it up to any of the professionals that saw him because no one else brought it up as a possibility, despite the fact that all the teachers told me he was really smart and would do even better if he'd just focus (he was still getting mostly As and Bs), and his behavioral therapist would tell me that he was a little "genius". I knew he was smart and creative, but "genius" certainly sounded like a prideful exaggeration. Knowing what I know now, it's pretty obvious that he has some overexcitabilities (mainly intellectual, emotional and imaginational - his kindergarten teacher actually said he had an "overactive imagination' and was concerned about his mental health), but I was unaware of the term and attributed most of those characteristics to his ADHD. I wish ALL teachers had more knowledge of giftedness to better identify children at a young age, and so that they have it in consideration when identifying possible learning disorders.
Now that I know a little bit more about giftedness and specifically 2e children, I am more determined than ever to get him a comprehensive psycho-educational evaluation so we can get a clearer picture of his strengths and weaknesses and rule out any other issues so that I can get him the corresponding accommodations, fight for an IEP (because of his grades I was told he didn't qualify and received the 504 accommodations instead - so I'm building his case should the 504 not cut it), and get him any additional services at home as needed. So here I am, yet again suppressing my anxiety so that I can call and email all the clinics and psychologists that seem half-way decent and affordable (or at least offer a payment plan) in our city, because I know tomorrow I may be too emotionally drained to do it.
Friday, September 9, 2016
Friday, July 29, 2016
ADHD & Gifted
I'm feeling all kinds of anxiousness and euphoria right now, my mind racing, so I want to write this down while my feelings are still fresh.
My 6 (almost 7)-yr old has ADHD. I started getting complaints from his teacher when he was in kindergarten about his lack of concentration, hyperactivity, and "hyperimagination" (her words, not mine). It was a hard pill to swallow and I wasn't necessarily in agreement, mainly because it's such a subjective diagnosis. No tests were done other than questionnaires filled out by myself and his teacher. Yes he's active, fidgety, hyper, and he has a great imagination...but surely these aren't "bad" things. Frankly, they're what make him pretty damn awesome. AND he was only 5 at the time and I know that children develop at different rates, and despite his seeming lack of concentration he was still doing pretty well academically, so (for me personally) to medicate him for being what I consider to be a normal, active, smart child was out of the question.
Despite being told by several professionals that medication was usually the best course of action for ADHD, and being told by his behavioral therapy countless anecdotal of children doing amazingly well after being medicated, I decided that, in our case, the pros simply didn't outweigh the cons.
I'm only mentioning this because I assume if you are reading this, you may have a child with ADHD, or are at least being told that they should be evaluated for ADHD. Maybe you decide that medication is the best course of action, and that's fine. I just want to let you know that in my experience, the doctors may say "oh, your child has ADHD, the course of action is medication" with any second look at your individual child's situation. SO KNOW THAT THE CHOICE IS YOURS. DO NOT FEEL PRESSURED. I cried thinking maybe I was making the wrong decision is being so hard headed, but the fact is my child was having some difficulty but he wasn't STRUGGLING to the point that his social and academic progress was being stunted. So my decision was to see how he'd do with behavioral therapy and go from there.
This past school year we struggled to get adjusted for a couple of months in the beginning of the school year, started to do exceptionally well, and then struggled again to get readjusted after the winter break. His impulsivity and intense emotions resulted in some behavioral problems and several school meetings. --I am such an anxious person in general; I get "white coat hypertension" going to the doctor, or any place where the outcome is unknown, so you can imagine how I feel going to meetings involving my child, where any decision I make can potentially affect him for the rest of his life. As a parent, I know you can relate. Oh the worries we deal with.-- At that time I met with his school to get 504 accommodations for him: extra time to complete assignments, tests, breaks between assignments, redirection, etc. His teacher has been great and he ended the school year loving his class, classmates, teacher, and doing exceptionally well academically.
Because of the fact that he was doing so well despite his ADHD his teacher referred him for Gifted testing, and the school psychologist agreed that from what the teacher, the school counselor and myself had to say, some of his behaviors are characteristic of a Gifted child.
This morning I attended the meeting to go over his scores. He scored high on the Reynolds Intellectual Assessment Scales and is eligible for the gifted program, which his school does not currently have. While having a gifted child presents it's own challenges, I am hoping that having a teacher who is trained and has experience with gifted children will better know how to deal with, encourage, and challenge him. Unfortunately, his school doesn't currently have a gifted program, but told me they'd be implementing one for the following school year.
If your child is having difficulty in school and you are being told (or it is being heavily insinuated) that your child may have ADHD, I suggest you fill out a quick gifted checklist. It is possible that you're child simply isn't being challenged enough, or they learn differently and the current classroom environment (being expected to sit still throughout the school day without sufficient breaks) isn't conducive for your child. Of course your child could be Gifted AND have ADHD. In either case, I feel that having your child evaluated couldn't hurt and, in fact, getting a diagnosis could open a lot of doors as far as getting your child the resources he/she may need to thrive. For example, if they're diagnosed they may be eligible for accommodations, if they have accommodations they're eligible for the John McKay Scholarship.
It's a lot of information to sift through, and a lot of hours staying awake worrying about what's best for your child, talking to other parents, asking questions in forums, etc. Not every child is the same, not every parent is the same; I hope this post reaches someone who is going mad researching and not finding a story that quite sounds like their child. I hope you feel somewhat relieved reading this story and feeling you can finally relate. I am here for you and will be happy to answer any questions you might have. I know how stressful it can be.
Below are some links I found helpful.
I am located in Miami, so some of the resources I have here may not be valid for you, but feel free to write me if you have any questions and I'd be happy to find comparable resources in your city.
http://sengifted.org/archives/articles/before-referring-a-gifted-child-for-addadhd-evaluation
https://www.nagc.org/resources-publications/resources/my-child-gifted
https://www.verywell.com/social-and-emotional-problems-affecting-gifted-children-1449336
If you are located in Miami, Parent to Parent of Miami has been a great help for me, and provided me with the information I needed to adequately advocate for my son and helped me through the process of requesting accommodations.
My 6 (almost 7)-yr old has ADHD. I started getting complaints from his teacher when he was in kindergarten about his lack of concentration, hyperactivity, and "hyperimagination" (her words, not mine). It was a hard pill to swallow and I wasn't necessarily in agreement, mainly because it's such a subjective diagnosis. No tests were done other than questionnaires filled out by myself and his teacher. Yes he's active, fidgety, hyper, and he has a great imagination...but surely these aren't "bad" things. Frankly, they're what make him pretty damn awesome. AND he was only 5 at the time and I know that children develop at different rates, and despite his seeming lack of concentration he was still doing pretty well academically, so (for me personally) to medicate him for being what I consider to be a normal, active, smart child was out of the question.
Despite being told by several professionals that medication was usually the best course of action for ADHD, and being told by his behavioral therapy countless anecdotal of children doing amazingly well after being medicated, I decided that, in our case, the pros simply didn't outweigh the cons.
I'm only mentioning this because I assume if you are reading this, you may have a child with ADHD, or are at least being told that they should be evaluated for ADHD. Maybe you decide that medication is the best course of action, and that's fine. I just want to let you know that in my experience, the doctors may say "oh, your child has ADHD, the course of action is medication" with any second look at your individual child's situation. SO KNOW THAT THE CHOICE IS YOURS. DO NOT FEEL PRESSURED. I cried thinking maybe I was making the wrong decision is being so hard headed, but the fact is my child was having some difficulty but he wasn't STRUGGLING to the point that his social and academic progress was being stunted. So my decision was to see how he'd do with behavioral therapy and go from there.
This past school year we struggled to get adjusted for a couple of months in the beginning of the school year, started to do exceptionally well, and then struggled again to get readjusted after the winter break. His impulsivity and intense emotions resulted in some behavioral problems and several school meetings. --I am such an anxious person in general; I get "white coat hypertension" going to the doctor, or any place where the outcome is unknown, so you can imagine how I feel going to meetings involving my child, where any decision I make can potentially affect him for the rest of his life. As a parent, I know you can relate. Oh the worries we deal with.-- At that time I met with his school to get 504 accommodations for him: extra time to complete assignments, tests, breaks between assignments, redirection, etc. His teacher has been great and he ended the school year loving his class, classmates, teacher, and doing exceptionally well academically.
Because of the fact that he was doing so well despite his ADHD his teacher referred him for Gifted testing, and the school psychologist agreed that from what the teacher, the school counselor and myself had to say, some of his behaviors are characteristic of a Gifted child.
This morning I attended the meeting to go over his scores. He scored high on the Reynolds Intellectual Assessment Scales and is eligible for the gifted program, which his school does not currently have. While having a gifted child presents it's own challenges, I am hoping that having a teacher who is trained and has experience with gifted children will better know how to deal with, encourage, and challenge him. Unfortunately, his school doesn't currently have a gifted program, but told me they'd be implementing one for the following school year.
If your child is having difficulty in school and you are being told (or it is being heavily insinuated) that your child may have ADHD, I suggest you fill out a quick gifted checklist. It is possible that you're child simply isn't being challenged enough, or they learn differently and the current classroom environment (being expected to sit still throughout the school day without sufficient breaks) isn't conducive for your child. Of course your child could be Gifted AND have ADHD. In either case, I feel that having your child evaluated couldn't hurt and, in fact, getting a diagnosis could open a lot of doors as far as getting your child the resources he/she may need to thrive. For example, if they're diagnosed they may be eligible for accommodations, if they have accommodations they're eligible for the John McKay Scholarship.
It's a lot of information to sift through, and a lot of hours staying awake worrying about what's best for your child, talking to other parents, asking questions in forums, etc. Not every child is the same, not every parent is the same; I hope this post reaches someone who is going mad researching and not finding a story that quite sounds like their child. I hope you feel somewhat relieved reading this story and feeling you can finally relate. I am here for you and will be happy to answer any questions you might have. I know how stressful it can be.
Below are some links I found helpful.
I am located in Miami, so some of the resources I have here may not be valid for you, but feel free to write me if you have any questions and I'd be happy to find comparable resources in your city.
http://sengifted.org/archives/articles/before-referring-a-gifted-child-for-addadhd-evaluation
https://www.nagc.org/resources-publications/resources/my-child-gifted
https://www.verywell.com/social-and-emotional-problems-affecting-gifted-children-1449336
If you are located in Miami, Parent to Parent of Miami has been a great help for me, and provided me with the information I needed to adequately advocate for my son and helped me through the process of requesting accommodations.
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