The older I get the more apparent it becomes that I have anxiety. I've never brought it up to a doctor and I have not been diagnosed. I always assumed it was just a normal result of my shyness and awkwardness, and a huge amount of effort in my late teens and 20s has gone into overcoming my fears/anxiety and just getting shit done, because I have to be an adult. As a parent I have had to adult more than ever, and it takes a constant emotional toll on me.
Don't like to talk on the phone? Too bad! You have to call and talk to the insurance companies, teachers, assistant principals, doctors, and wait endless hours on hold.
Get white coat syndrome? Too bad! Now, instead of just sucking it up for your doctor's visits (or seeing an accountant during tax time, or any unknown situation) you have to compose yourself for your kids' visits. I've gotten pretty good at the doctor's visits because thankfully my children don't have any physical problems so those tend to be predictable, but those psychologist/therapist visits, SST meetings, Parent/Teacher conferences, etc. are killer. I have knots in my stomach just thinking about it.
But as uncomfortable as I get, I have to keep moving forward to help my child the best socio-emotional and educational support he can get. I say "child" and not "children" because as of late most of these meetings have been for my 7-year-old. He was diagnosed with ADHD in Kindergarten, got a 504 Plan for accommodations in 1st grade, and was tested for gifted placement this summer. I wish I had been more adamant about getting him tested for gifted earlier, but I didn't want to be "that mom" who thinks her son poops out rainbows, so I put all my energy into getting him the services he needs for his ADHD (accommodations at school and behavioral therapy at home). I had actually filled out a gifted checklist when he was in Pre-K, but didn't bring it up to any of the professionals that saw him because no one else brought it up as a possibility, despite the fact that all the teachers told me he was really smart and would do even better if he'd just focus (he was still getting mostly As and Bs), and his behavioral therapist would tell me that he was a little "genius". I knew he was smart and creative, but "genius" certainly sounded like a prideful exaggeration. Knowing what I know now, it's pretty obvious that he has some overexcitabilities (mainly intellectual, emotional and imaginational - his kindergarten teacher actually said he had an "overactive imagination' and was concerned about his mental health), but I was unaware of the term and attributed most of those characteristics to his ADHD. I wish ALL teachers had more knowledge of giftedness to better identify children at a young age, and so that they have it in consideration when identifying possible learning disorders.
Now that I know a little bit more about giftedness and specifically 2e children, I am more determined than ever to get him a comprehensive psycho-educational evaluation so we can get a clearer picture of his strengths and weaknesses and rule out any other issues so that I can get him the corresponding accommodations, fight for an IEP (because of his grades I was told he didn't qualify and received the 504 accommodations instead - so I'm building his case should the 504 not cut it), and get him any additional services at home as needed. So here I am, yet again suppressing my anxiety so that I can call and email all the clinics and psychologists that seem half-way decent and affordable (or at least offer a payment plan) in our city, because I know tomorrow I may be too emotionally drained to do it.
