Love Grows

I had always wanted two children: a boy and a girl. But when we had Sebastian I really thought I was done. Parenting isn't easy and, as vain as it sounds, I also didn't want to have to deal with losing the pregnancy weight all over again. 

My family was complete.

But...then I missed my period. And while there was an initial "Oh shit!" we quickly wrapped our heads around the idea of having a second child. I wanted to wait until I saw my doctor to confirm the pregnancy but Ramon couldn't wait and told my mom when I stepped out for a minute to get something I had left in the car. I opened the front door only to find Ramon with tears in his eyes hugging my mom. It wasn't when or how I planned on telling my family, but oh well, we were excited and everyone was on board.

Then the worries kicked in.

Sebastian was only two years  and several months old and still very attached to me. He had had us all to himself: mom, dad, grandparents, uncles and aunts, and we all showered him with love and attention. We used to say that he was "el niño más besado del mundo" [the world's most kissed child]. How would he feel to suddenly share that attention? What if he feels neglected or replaced? I worried about jealously and sibling rivalry.

I suppose there's always going to be some jealousy or some sibling rivalry, but we did our best to prepare Sebas for the arrival of his baby brother so it wouldn't come as a complete surprise. I read him "I'm a Big Brother" by Joanna Cole most nights (so much so that he got sick of it!) and explained to him that there was a baby in my belly. I even showed him an animated video showing a baby inside the womb because I thought it might register more clearly if he had a visual of a baby inside a mommy instead of some abstract concept. It seemed to work because he'd kiss my belly and talk to Baby Lucas and hug my belly.

Then I also worried about my own capacity to love.
When Sebastian was born I was awestruck. I thought he was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen, and every day he just got cuter and cuter. How could I possibly love another human being more than I loved Sebastian? What if I didn't think my second child was as beautiful? How could I divide my love?

While I was in the hospital Ramon stayed with Sebastian at home because we didn't want him to feel alone and like suddenly both his parents were gone. But I was exhausted and in pain at the hospital and begged Ramon to stay the last night with me so that I could finally get some rest! I was in pain every time I had to sit up and get out of bed to pick up my baby. That last night my mom and stepdad stayed with Sebastian and the following day they brought him to visit me and his new baby brother at the hospital. Sebastian brought me flowers and a huge smile, "Mommy, I missed you!" Aww, be still my heart, I missed him incredibly too. My mom bought him a truck which we gave him when he came to visit and told him that it was a gift from his baby brother. He was so happy, "Thank you, Lucas" and gave him a soft kiss on thee forehead.
My worries melted away. Sebastian was so obviously in love with his baby brother, and I was so obviously in love with them both.

I didn't have to divide my love, because my love grew.