Unconditional Trust

Our children trust us more than anything in the world. In their eyes we are all powerful, all loving and all knowing. They look up to us and trust us to do what is best for them. They absolutely unconditionally trust us. But it is heartbreaking to see their face of joy quickly turn to one of horror and distrust, as if saying "Mommy, why are you letting them do this to me?"
Yes, I'm talking about shots.
I'm not talking about the regular vaccinations. Yes he  cried when he received those and it was heart wrenching to watch, but he was always pretty brave about it. He'd cry a little and then quickly get over it. And when he was old enough to understand I'd explain to him that he needed the shots to stay healthy.
But when Sebastian turned 4 he had a high fever that wouldn't go down. I forget what it was he had but the doctor decided to order some antibiotic shot in the butt with a huge needle, that apparently had to be applied very s...l...o...w....l...y. Screams of terror were heard throughout the clinic. It was torture and I sure did cry for that one as I held him down trying to calm him down by whispering into his ears "just breath deep like papa showed you". And then once it had been administered they had to rub his poor already sore butt. And THEN, since he was due for his 4-year immunizations, they gave him like 4 other shots (or maybe it was just two injections with the 4 vaccines, I don't recall). It was a bit much for one day. Poor thing was walking around the clinic declaring to everyone that his butt hurt.
I don't think I cried because he was in pain (although of course it hurt to see him in pain). I think I cried because I felt like I was betraying him, or that he would think I was betraying him, and because I knew at that moment that he'd never view going to the doctor's the same again. It was no longer a fun place where he got to see the nice doctor and get cool stickers. Now every time we go to the doctor's for a check-up or sick visit he always asks all the nurses and doctors "no shots, right? no shots"...I don't know that he'll ever trust a doctor again. Luckily, the trust a child has for his parents takes a lot more to break. He seems to have forgotten all about my "betrayal" :)